Sunday, January 27, 2008

hidden grief


This Thursday started out as a normal day, except that my computer at school wouldn't connect to the internet right away. It didn't start working until 8:35am, once the kids were already in the classroom. I was finally able to check my school email, and that's when I got the news that my grandma had passed away. It was a bit of a shock and I had to step out of the classroom for "just a moment" I thought, as I left my student's in Jodee's care. But the grief kinda overcame me for a bit. The worst part was wanting to be at home with my family. My staff was kind enough to cover for me for the morning while I went to Jodee's and used her computer to call home. My grandma (Dad's mom) has been living in a nursing home for over a year. In good care under my mom's supervision there. She suffered with Alzheimer's and Diabetes. She's seemed relatively stable there, with bouts of sadness. But she stopped recognizing us awhile back. I still remember 3 years ago when I left for Korea she said "I hope I'm not here when you get back." It was painful to me, but she was 90 at that time. She's been tired for awhile....waiting to go be with grandpa, who's been gone for about 10 years. She's finally at peace.

At the funeral, instead of a eulogy, my family will be taking turns to share various memories. Here's my contribution that my parents will read for me:

"I will always remember Grandma's strong arms. Her strong arms gave countless hugs that always made me feel right at home. Grandma leaves memories of hard work in the garden, pulling weeds from the river at the cottage, delicious meatballs and sweet Peparkakor. But her greatest legacy is the legacy of faith that has been passed down through the generations. She was an example to all her grandchildren of a woman of strong faith that was willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the gospel. I always knew she was in touch with God, praying for each of us. She never said so, but somehow I just knew. I hope I can follow her example in my life, to be a woman of prayer and sacrifice. I'm glad she can finally rest in her Heavenly Father's arms."

to those of you close by, sorry I haven't been so open about this. I tend to just start crying when I talk about it. but soon enough my mourning will turn to joy as I celebrate her life.

4 comments:

Causerie said...

Though I am sorry for your loss, I am glad you were blessed with having had such a wonderful woman in your life. May the fond memories and excellent lessons left to you by your grandmother be what forever keeps her living within your heart and deeds.

Changs said...

Thanks so much for writing about your Grandma. A verse I cling to when I think about my little brother dying is 1 Cor. 15:24-26...it encourages me so much to know that the last enemy Christ will defeat is death! It's so un natural and the sting of death is sin...someday the sting will be gone forever, but for now it reminds me that JC is coming again. I'm pr. for you deary!:>)

Anonymous said...

I imagine that your grief is so much more compounded with being so far away. If it is any consolation, the service celebrating her life was beautiful, Jason sang so beautifully, we are so blessed to know, without a doubt, where she is and that we will laugh together again someday - I look forward to that part. "Grammie" did not look like herself of course but she would have been so pleased about the fuss that they made over getting her hair so nice! (somebody said it was permed!)That made me smile wide. She would have liked that. -janice

Meinema said...

So sorry Syl. And words are not always great: we don't know what to say when it comes to death. I hope you have some friends there to just 'sit' with you like Job's friends did. Sit with you and comfort you. We will keep you in our prayers. God's peace be with you right now.
love marce